Guiding Quotes
“A leader has to be able to do anything, but can’t do everything.” – Plutarch
“All leadership takes place through the communication of ideas to the minds of others.” – Charles Cooley
“To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
“Boss is a job. Leader is a title you earn.” – Unknown
“You cannot solve tasks with charisma.” – Angela Merkel
“By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day.” – Robert Frost
Both federal and state definitions of giftedness recognize leadership as a key area of talent. Gifted individuals with an interest in leadership can gain valuable insights from real-life examples of leadership at its best – and at its worst. Two excellent resources for exploring this dynamic are Leading Minds: An Anatomy of Leadership by Howard Gardner and Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
As highlighted in these books, some high-achieving individuals may not actively seek leadership roles, but instead find themselves in what is known as “accidental leadership.” In such cases, individuals who haven’t planned on being in charge often end up in leadership positions because of their exceptional abilities or knowledge, becoming the default choice for decision-making and guidance. I’ve observed this phenomenon in a variety of settings, from high school rock bands to introverted entrepreneurs whose businesses unexpectedly took off and required hiring others.
Whether leadership is assumed intentionally or by circumstance, both types of leaders benefit from reflecting on historical examples and gaining self-awareness about their own leadership tendencies.
The lesson below addresses common questions I’ve received from parents over the years about leadership. In my responses, I’ve aimed to provide thoughtful insights related to gifted education while also offering broader perspectives that students can carry with them throughout their lives.
Guiding Question (from a parent): What skills do students need to develop beyond academics to be good leaders (i.e. accepting feedback without argument)?
“As a leader, there is no one else to blame. Don’t make excuses. If I don’t take ownership of problems, I can’t solve them. That’s what a leader has to do: take ownership of the problems, the mistakes, and the shortfalls, and take ownership of creating and implementing solutions to get those problems solved. Take ownership.” – Jocko Willink
Beyond academic knowledge, here are some essential skills to develop:
- Emotional Intelligence: Understanding and managing emotions, both yours and others’, is key to building strong relationships and creating a positive environment.
- Communication: Effective communication is crucial for conveying ideas, inspiring others, and resolving conflicts. Practice active listening, clarity in expression, and empathy.
- Decision Making: Develop the ability to make well-informed decisions under pressure. Consider various perspectives, weigh options, and be willing to take calculated risks.
- Adaptability: In today’s fast-paced world, leaders must be flexible and adaptable to changing circumstances. Embrace change, learn from it, and adjust your strategies accordingly.
- Conflict Resolution: Leaders often need to mediate conflicts within teams or organizations. Learn effective conflict resolution techniques, such as active listening, negotiation, and compromise.
- Team Building: Create a cohesive and high-performing team by fostering a sense of belonging, promoting collaboration, and recognizing individual strengths. Empower your team members by dividing up tasks, providing autonomy, and trusting their abilities.
- Influence and Motivation: Lead by example, provide encouragement, and recognize and reward achievements.
- Ethical Leadership: Lead with integrity, honesty, and a strong moral compass. Make decisions that align with your values and demonstrate ethical behavior.
Guiding Question (from a parent): How can I make sure my student understands good leaders don’t consider others as less than (for lack of better words) and recognize how not to be a show-off?
“Micromanagers are egotists who can’t manage others and they quickly get overloaded. So do the charismatic visionaries who lose interest when it’s time to execute. Worse yet are those who surround themselves with yes-men or sycophants who clean up their messes and create a bubble in which they can’t even see how disconnected from reality they are. Responsibility requires a readjustment and then increased clarity and purpose. First, setting the top-level goals and priorities of the organization and your life. Then enforcing and observing them. To produce results and only results.” – Ryan Holiday
Creativity thrives on being open and receptive, as well as recognizing inspiration and ideas. However, this process is hindered if one is convinced that the world solely revolves around them. Good leaders prioritize empathy, respect, and humility in their interactions with others. Here are some strategies:
- Stay Grounded: Remind yourself of the bigger picture and the collective goals of the team or organization. Avoid getting caught up in personal achievements or accolades. Avoid taking sole credit for team achievements.
- Active Listening: Truly listen to others without interrupting or dismissing their perspectives. Show genuine interest in their ideas, concerns, and contributions.
- Value Diversity: Recognize and appreciate the unique strengths, experiences, and perspectives each individual brings to the table. Foster a culture of inclusivity where everyone feels respected.
- Lead by Example: Demonstrate humility and authenticity in your actions and words. Acknowledge your own limitations and mistakes, and be open to feedback.
- Empower Others: Delegate tasks and responsibilities to team members, giving them opportunities to showcase their skills and talents. Trust their abilities and provide support when needed.
- Show Gratitude: Express appreciation for the efforts and contributions of others. A simple thank you can go a long way in showing recognition and respect.
- Seek Feedback: Invite feedback from others on your leadership style and behavior. Be willing to self-reflect and make adjustments based on constructive input.
Guiding Question (from a parent): When is “leadership” not called for (i.e. when you are not the teacher/coach etc., when you are with a group that can benefit more only from collaboration)?
Some individuals who seek leadership are actually inadvertently seeking external validation, pursuing honors and recognition to feel important. In contrast, true confidence is patient and steadfast, remaining focused on the task at hand without relying on external approval.
Your leadership may not be called for in situations where:
- Obvious Hierarchies: In environments where decision-making and direction-setting are centralized in a single leader (such as a teacher), you may have to shut off leadership tendencies (for awhile).
- Democratic Environments: In democratic environments where decisions are made collectively through voting or consensus-building, leadership may be shared among group members rather than held by one individual.
- High Performing Teams: In teams where all members are highly skilled, motivated, and self-directed, there may be less need for direct leadership. Instead, collaboration and mutual accountability drive progress.
- Creative Collaboration: When the goal is to generate ideas, solve complex problems, or foster creativity, a collaborative approach that values diverse perspectives and contributions may be more effective than traditional leadership.
In these contexts, collaboration is key, and leadership may manifest in different forms, such as facilitation, coordination, or shared decision-making, rather than authority. The goal is to leverage the collective intelligence and capabilities of the group to achieve common goals. Acknowledge there are individuals who possess greater expertise or specialization in areas where you don’t.
Guiding question (from a parent): How can I teach my student that even when they know someone is wrong, they may have to wait for an appropriate time/place to discuss why?
- Choose a Private Setting: Avoid addressing the issue in front of others, especially if it could lead to embarrassment or defensiveness.
- Pick the Right Timing: Look for a time when they are calm, relaxed, and receptive to feedback. Avoid bringing up the issue when tensions are high or when the person is preoccupied.
- Frame the Conversation Positively: Approach the discussion with a genuine desire to understand the other person’s perspective. Before jumping into why you believe they are wrong, listen attentively to their viewpoint. This sets a respectful tone for the conversation and demonstrates you value their input.
- Provide Constructive Feedback: When expressing your perspective, focus on the facts and specific behaviors or actions rather than criticizing the person’s character. Suggest alternative solutions or perspectives.
- Focus on Solutions: Instead of dwelling on who is right or wrong, focus on finding solutions or compromises that address the underlying issue. Keep the conversation forward-looking and goal-oriented.
Leadership Examples in History
President Eisenhower’s leadership approach in the White House (characterized as humble and effective management with a focus on the strengths of others, wise delegation, and understanding what was important – not necessarily urgent) can be juxtaposed with the rise and fall of John DeLorean’s ambitious venture into the automobile industry after leaving GM. (I first found this story in Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday. Check it out if you’d like more details.)
Despite his visionary ideas and innovative designs, DeLorean’s story reflects a timeless narrative of a power-hungry narcissist who sabotaged his own success, ultimately squandering millions of dollars of investors’ money. He believed that the structured culture at GM stifled creative minds like his own, yet his downfall was not due to a lack of ideas or resources, but rather his ego-driven decisions and the resulting chaos within his organization. It’s a poignant reminder of how even the most promising ventures can be derailed by personal flaws and organizational disarray, a fate that befalls many talented individuals.
Ego is the Enemy also discusses the remarkable sense of honor displayed by General Marshall (Roosevelt’s trusted military advisor during WWII). Despite deserving recognition for his accomplishments, he actively discouraged efforts to promote him or award him higher ranks. Unlike other generals who lobbied for promotions, Marshall remained focused on his duties rather than seeking personal advancement. His refusal of honors was not out of a lack of desire, but rather out of respect for his mentor, General Pershing, and a desire to avoid standing out excessively in the military hierarchy. This demonstrates Marshall’s deep sense of humility and commitment to duty above personal ambition.
Thoughts from the book Hidden Potential by Adam Grant:
“When we select leaders, we don’t usually pick the person with the strongest leadership skills. We frequently choose the person who talks the most. It’s called the babble effect. Research shows that groups promote the people who command the most airtime – regardless of their aptitude and expertise. We mistake confidence for competence, certainty for credibility, and quantity for quality. We get stuck following people who dominate the discussion instead of those who elevate it.
It’s not just the loudest voices who rise to lead even if they aren’t qualified. The worst babblers are the ball hogs. In many cases, the people with the poorest prosocial skills and the biggest egos end up assuming the mantle – at a great cost to teams and organizations. In a meta-analysis, highly narcissistic people were more likely to rise into leadership roles, but they were less effective in those roles. They made self-serving decisions and instilled a zero-sum view of success, provoking cutthroat behavior and undermining cohesion and collaboration.
Collective intelligence is best served by a different kind of leader. The people to promote are the ones with the prosocial skills to put the mission above their ego – and team cohesion above personal glory. They know that the goal isn’t to be the smartest person in the room; it’s to make the entire room smarter.”
Closing Thoughts
True leadership requires focusing on a broader vision (where a project is going and the role of everyone involved). This requires long-term thinking and a sense of direction. If leaders get too caught up in micromanaging or playing the role of “boss,” they risk losing sight of the big picture. As you progress in life and achieve success, your role will evolve. In addition to having to complete many small but necessary tasks, your attention will have to expand to make hard decisions and guide others. By honing the above skills in addition to your academic knowledge, you’ll be better equipped to lead effectively and make a positive impact. If you ever feel lost, turn to biographies, my friends.
Go Deeper/Resources
Book: Leading Minds: An Anatomy Of Leadership by Howard Gardner
Book: Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Book: Hidden Potential by Adam Grant
Book: Ego is the Enemy by Ryan Holiday (for adults)
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