Guiding Question (from a student): How do impulsive behaviors happen? What goes on in the brain?
Impulse control is a critical skill, especially when it comes to navigating stress and social situations. Impulsive behaviors often arise in moments of pressure, where emotions can override rational thought.
So, what triggers these reactions, and what’s happening in the brain when we act on impulse?
Impulses are linked to the brain’s limbic system, which governs emotions, and the prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and self-regulation. When stress levels rise, the limbic system can become dominant, making it harder to control reactions. Understanding this process helps us recognize that impulsive behavior isn’t just a lack of willpower—it’s a complex interaction between emotion and brain function.
Brain Files
I once came across this useful metaphor from Ross Greene, PhD:
Imagine three files that open in your brain when something triggering happens. (This “file-opening” happens in the flash of a second for some, for others not at all. This “file-opening” is related to executive functioning skills.)
- What is the problem? (problem definition file)
- How have I handled problems like this in the past? What does this remind me of? (problem reference file)
- What options do I have? Can I predict some of the outcomes for each? (predicting future file)
The key is to keep all three files open at once—understanding the problem, learning from the past, and evaluating future options to make the best decision. Impulse control is all about balancing these mental tasks effectively.
The problem definition file ensures you’re focused on the right issue, keeping you grounded in the current situation. The hindsight file helps you recall what strategies worked (or didn’t) in similar circumstances, offering insights for your approach. Lastly, the forethought file allows you to project and weigh potential solutions, ensuring you’re not just reacting, but making a thoughtful, informed decision.
Social Practice
Considering the above information, in my lessons I present students with fictional yet realistic social situations. Below are guiding questions related to each challenging social scenario:
- How would someone react impulsively in a situation like this?
- How would that impulsive reaction make others feel?
- What is the best response in a social situation like this?
- How do you know?
- Role play some of the things that might be said.
Impulse Control Tips
I also like to talk through common impulse control tips. (Choose one to get started with this week. Counting to “3” in your head before acting is a popular one chosen by many students.)
- Count to 3 before reacting or answering questions
- Break large tasks into smaller chunks
- Create a visible list of rules to follow
- Use a timer to keep track of activities
- Prioritize tasks that are most important
- Work on anger management strategies
- Play impulse control games like Red Light, Green Light, and Simon Says
- Pair up with someone who has strong impulse control
- Work on enhancing listening skills
- Act out appropriate behaviors through role-playing
- Reduce visual distractions and clutter to lower cognitive load
- Ask for help when needed
- Use a goal tracker to monitor progress
- Tell someone about your goals to stay accountable
- Focus on improving problem-solving abilities
- Ask for constructive feedback to stay on track
Big Tip: Develop Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is the ability to observe and understand yourself objectively. It is gained through reflection and introspection.
Taking time to reflect on one’s behaviors, strengths, and areas for growth is essential for reaching personal goals and improving social skills. By asking thoughtful questions about emotions, individuals can gain clarity on why they act impulsively and how those actions affect others. This self-reflection fosters emotional awareness and empathy, helping to make more intentional choices moving forward.
Useful Prompts
- How do you think [sibling or friend] felt when that happened?
- How do you feel when you’re able to control your actions?
- What do you think your teacher thinks and feels when you’re interrupting in class?
- How do you think your friend feels when you take something from them?
- How did that situation make you feel?
- How would you like a friend to ask if they want to play?
- How do you think others feel when you’re not in control?
- What can you do to ask a friend to do for fun in a way that makes them feel good?
- Did you feel better after that choice?
Additional prompts:
- What’s the issue I’m facing?
- What’s my strategy?
- How can I approach this?
- How effective was this?
Thinking Skills
Thinking skills such as problem-solving may be the key to developing better impulse control. While it may seem simple, brainstorming potential solutions is a powerful technique for slowing down impulsive reactions.
There are often multiple ways to approach a problem, and it’s valuable to consider a few options before jumping into action. Whether deciding how to handle a disagreement with a friend or figuring out the best way to organize a school project, challenge yourself to come up with at least five possible solutions.
Once you’ve generated ideas, evaluate which one seems most likely to work. Over time, this process will help you pause, think, and make more deliberate decisions.
Posted in Social and Emotional Learning
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