“Gifted children often have goals and achievements for which there are no means of measurement, so these goals and dreams may never be recognized by others at all… many other gifted people never receive positive feedback for their goals and accomplishments, precisely, because the accomplishments are difficult or impossible to measure.… Because they often move in new directions there are no models for them to follow. It is like the explorer who thinks that she will make a discovery, but since it has not been made before, she cannot be sure.” – Living with Intensity by Michael Piechowski and Susan Daniels
“Dabrowski’s theory highlights this tension: the tension between what is and what not to be. Often, gifted children are consumed by the pursuit of the greatest potential in themselves, and others, and in their world.” – Living with Intensity by Michael Piechowski and Susan Daniels
Navigating adolescence can be particularly challenging for gifted individuals, as a variety of factors interact to complicate their developmental journey. Many of these challenges reflect the unique societal context in which we live today. It takes time to aim for excellence in a world of quick fixes and surface-level achievement.
In this complex landscape, they face not only the absence of clear benchmarks for their achievements but also the pressure to pursue an idealized version of themselves, often without the guidance or support they need. Together, these factors create a challenging environment for gifted adolescents, as they strive to carve their own paths while confronting the weight of high expectations and societal norms.
A Day in the Life
A high school girl finds herself rushing through homework, even though she wants to do a good job. She feels a sense of desperation and frustration because she never seems to find the time to develop her side business—a tech startup focused on creating an innovative app that helps students manage their time more effectively. She is caught in a dual struggle: external pressure to keep up with schoolwork and meet typical expectations, alongside internal pressure fueled by her creative ambitions. Unfortunately, the adults in her life don’t recognize the depth of her situation; they see no reason why she can’t manage her homework. They don’t understand the urgency she feels to bring her app to life and make a difference for her peers. Gifted individuals, like her, often need feedback even more than adults do, yet their unique aspirations and creative goals frequently go unnoticed, while conventional achievements (like grades) receive ample praise. This lack of recognition leaves her isolated with her dreams and aspirations, contributing to an additional layer of stress. There is a fundamental human need to measure one’s achievements against a standard, and without acknowledgment, gifted young people can feel adrift, struggling to balance their ambitions with societal expectations.
Five Barriers to Consider
1. Segregation of the Teenage Group From the Rest of Society
Modern high schools often lack meaningful interaction among diverse age groups. Given the asynchronous development of high-potential teens, access to intergenerational influences and a variety of relationships is essential for their growth. In homogeneous environments, these young people may face obstacles that hinder their development and negatively affect their social and emotional well-being.
For example, the tech-savvy student with her app idea could greatly benefit from mentorship and collaboration with individuals of different ages and experiences, which would enrich her entrepreneurial journey and foster a broader perspective.
Possible solution? Parents and teachers can encourage involvement in cross-age activities.
2. Subtle and Not-So-Subtle Pressures to Conform
There is significant pressure from peers, parents, educators, media, and popular culture to conform to external standards. While various arenas impose different demands and often have competing expectations, they all encourage adolescents to present themselves in “normative” ways, disregarding the authentic unfolding of their unique identities.
For instance, the tech-savvy student with her app idea may feel torn between her creative aspirations and the expectations of her school environment, which pushes her to prioritize traditional academic achievements over her entrepreneurial vision.
Possible solution? Parents and teachers can accept unique expressions of individuality.
3. Lack of Awareness of Gifted Psychology
Healthcare professionals and educators often lack training and understanding of the complexities of giftedness. Many quickly interpret disintegrative states as negative, viewing eccentricities as evidence for diagnostic criteria. As a result, authentic behaviors that are non-normative compared to the majority are often dismissed as pathological.
For example, our tech-savvy student might display anxiety about her ambitious app project or exhibit rebelliousness when her innovative ideas are stifled, yet these responses could be misinterpreted as signs of a problem rather than expressions of her unique creative process.
Possible solution? Given the current online world, it is increasingly possible to find professionals with a background in giftedness. It is also possible to self-educate with expert recommended resources.
4. Emphasis on External Achievement
Adolescents are frequently evaluated based on visible, external behaviors, which overlooks the rich inner lives of gifted individuals. This narrow focus can diminish the complexities of their experiences. “Achievement inflation” often occurs when talent is prioritized, leading to an emphasis on performance and competition at the expense of inner development. This environment can exacerbate feelings of self-importance or, conversely, instill deep feelings of inadequacy and depression, especially if the student’s innovative ideas are undervalued or misunderstood.
For example, our tech-savvy student in the example may possess creativity and ambitions that are not immediately apparent, making it easy for others to misjudge her potential.
Possible solution? Patience. Great things take time for people of all backgrounds and all abilities. Individuals who are gifted may have more complexity to sort through on their way to finding themselves and designing an authentic life.
5. Little or No Access to Environments that Encourage Authenticity
It is uncommon to find spaces where individuals feel safe to express their true selves, share heartfelt desires, and confront their deepest fears—environments that accept and encourage meaningful engagement with others and allow passions to flourish. This lack of supportive venues can be particularly disheartening for adolescents who thrive on intense exchanges and seek to integrate their emotions and thoughts.
For instance, our tech-savvy student would greatly benefit from clubs and female mentors in the tech field who can provide guidance and support. These connections would create a nurturing environment where she can express her ideas, collaborate with peers, and gain insights from experienced women in technology.
Possible solution? Explore art, music, and books that speak to this need. Journal. Find social clubs (like DYS Homerooms), mentors/role models, and work on friendship making/social skills.
The Parents Aren’t Alright (See Podcast Episode in the “Go Deeper” Section)
As parents, we often become preoccupied with creating ideal or optimal circumstances for our children. While our intentions stem from a desire to foster “success,” this mindset can strip childhood experiences of their authentic struggles and unpredictability. In our quest for the best possible conditions—armed with increased knowledge and more comfortable lifestyles—we may inadvertently shield our children from the essential challenges and trials that are vital for their growth and development.
Go Deeper:
Book – Brainstorm By: Daniel J. Siegel M.D.
Book – Living with Intensity by Michael Piechowski and Susan Daniels
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/the-teen-brain-7-things-to-know
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-parents-arent-all-right/id1200361736?i=1000672343331
Posted in Social and Emotional Learning
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